As you may have noticed, I haven't been very active here or nearly anywhere else for a while.
So sorry about that but I've been kind of sick.
I'll try to explain some for you since this whole thing has affected mostly everything around me and what I do...
I got sick last year around September.
Some days I was totally fine, other days I could barely move.
Me and Plague went to the Dominatrix Party in November and I felt fine, seemed like a new start and I thought my lack of energy had been because I had been so very stressed and that it all was psychological.
After we got home from The Netherlands everything went downhill, really fast..
My doctors couldn't find what was wrong with me. My tests were weird and they sent me home, just to call me back again to run other test.... I went for so many blood tests and ultasounds and everything.
Until one doctor finally found it!
I had got the typical "BURN OUT". In my case I had stressed myself to my condition where my liver and kidneys were near failure and my body was unable to produce cortisol (when you stress your body creates a hell lot of cortisol, but at a certain point, there is nothing left to produce) and I had gained a kind of
adrenal fatigue.... I also gained some weight. (not that much really) but since I am a perfectionist, for me it's too much, since I feel I'm way too curvy now.....
On top of that, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia...
For those who doesn't know here's a short fact:
"Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals"
On top of it all my Grandfather died, he's been like my father-figure since birth when my own dad wasn't there for me... So he got sick suddenly and died, leving my Grandmother alone for the first time in their like 60 years together.. You can imagine the silence....
I was very weak, but
I contacted one really old alternative doctor here in Stockholm who does acupuncture and Chineese medicine, also one type of Magnet theraphy to see if he could help me in any way to ease my pain.
He managed to help me so much that I've been without Fibro symtoms from February! Until recently..
I was totally busy with life and shooting and whatnot, until I began to feel so weak again. I didn't actually think about my fibro since this affected my mood and memory... And all I had read about fibro was that it affected muscles and fatigue so well...
I started to have major memory loss and was really distracted easily. I thought my ADHD was beginning to get worse and got worried. My mood issues were extreme. And I thought that was my Borderline diagnosis trying to spook with me and everyone near me. I turned into a monster..
I tried to get help through psychiatric clinics hear, fearing I was way too "fucked" in the head at the moment.
When I went to my old doctor again, since I begun to feel bodily wea just a few weeks ago, and he told me my Fibro was really bad again and that it had caused all the psychological symptoms..
Oh, How relieved I was!!! Now I'm rehabilitating myself as fast as I can. And this method is really helping!